TomKat, Splitsville: What Would Xenu Do?

You may not have been paying attention to celebrity news while at work on Friday afternoon. You might have gone home, kicked off the shoes, opened up a cold one and turned on ESPN, catching Scott Van Pelt (filling in for Tony Kornheiser) and Michael Wilbon on “Pardon the Interruption.”

At the end of the show, this happened:

Michael Wilbon: “Happy trails to TomKat.”
Scott Van Pelt: “No.”
Wilbon: “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes…”
Van Pelt: “NOOOO!”
Wilbon: “…they’re no longer pretending to be married, Scott!”
Van Pelt: “Son-of-a!”
Wilbon:People magazine was the first to report Suri’s parents are breaking up. If we were to connect the generational dot between Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman and Holmes, Cruise is due to marry a 22-year-old hottie — I nominate Kristen Stewart.”

Indeed. And word on the street is that it was Cruise’s Scientology beliefs that pushed the relationship to the point to where Holmes was more comfortable walking away than working things out. According to an insider source speaking to E! Online, “She was never truly comfortable with the Scientology thing. It was something she accepted and put up with for many years because it was important to Tom, and for that reason, important to her. But over the past year, they had started to see things differently, and she was beginning to pull away.”

Slate‘s “XX Factor” suggests there might be something to the rumors that, “this one-time good little Catholic girl” was finally pushed to the edge by Cruise acting like, “a creepy control freak bent on spreading his creepy religion.”

With all due respect (maybe? maybe not?), Scientology’s pretty creepy. Wikipedia’s officially banned the church from editing posts on the site in 2009 as a result of, “repeated and deceptive editing of articles related to the controversial religion.” When the foundation of your belief system reads like a bad sci-fi novel, you might want to keep some of the weirder aspects on the down-low.

Like Xenu, for instance.

According to our friends at Wikipedia, “Xenu, also spelled Xemu, was, according to the founder of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard, the dictator of the ‘Galactic Confederacy’ who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in a DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Official Scientology scriptures hold that the essences of these many people remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm.”

Probably Holmes was just humoring her now-estranged husband in the same way spouses do the world over. Let’s say you believe in Bigfoot, but think ghosts are hooey. Your significant other puts stock in spooks and spirits but doesn’t get down with Sasquatch. No use making a federal case out of it, right?

So it might not come as a surprise that when Holmes went looking for a preschool for Suri three years ago, she put her daughter in a Boston-area Catholic school.

Religion requires you to take leaps of faith, to make sense of what seem like extraordinary events. But it’s safe to say there’s a gulf of difference between the major world religions and poorly-conceived science fiction hackery.



by J.L. Mann Cromer, Jr., who served as the only true independent member of the South Carolina General Assembly from 1990-1998. Currently, he is a general practice attorney in Columbia, S.C., concentrating in probate and estate planning, criminal defense and personal injury law.

With Wes Wolfe. He wrote for 11 newspapers in five states and is the marketing coordinator for ACEC Virginia.

Posted in Legal Advice

22 thoughts on “TomKat, Splitsville: What Would Xenu Do?

  1. Roger Marsh on said:

    The know the following may be really hard for some folks to do – but i recommend we stop listening to Hollywood news. I have watched some Tom Cruise films and liked them; and that’s about as far as I want to know the actor. Period. Isn’t it silly that we read and watch this stuff and react to it – when our time can be better spend on other things. I think it hit me with the couch-jumping incident; and everyone seemed to be talking about how crazy the man was. I just laughed and thought, I don’t really care. Sorry – that’s my rant. I’d rather catch up on gardening or spend more time with the kids. It just shouldn’t be news. But I guess someone is making money on the news.


    Evidentally she just saw TOP GUN……that would explain it ALL.

    • Bob on said:



    (Sad now that I got this ‘TOMKAT 4EVER’ tatoo…….what a waste.

  4. Jay on said:

    I bet being married to Tom Cruise is just like he and Nicole in Eyes Wide Shut, except way weirder. Katie seemed pretty normal pre Maverick and she still has youth on her side so I think she will do fine.

  5. Isabelle Blanxo on said:

    Tom Cruise is gay. He needs to stop running from it. Scientology is a fucked up cult. Come to Clearwater and Ill show you the robots walking downtown. The only thing surprising about this split is it is sooner than expected. Looked like Katie has drank the koolaid but guess she still has some spirit left in her. But will be nasty with Suri.

  6. John on said:

    A few years back Katie was an unknown until the jumping on the couch incident with “wittle tommy” on the Okra show She remained pretty much an unknown and I suspect he wanted her to do more and she became involved in broadway. She was so bad in the Kennedy movie the Kennedy’s wanted it banned and it was granted. I saw some of it on some looser channel and I agree she was terrible, so not any longer an unknown, just known as a bad actor. I’m sure that caused some issues in their household since after all he is Tom Cruise. Dude is the classic ego maniac with a short man complex. I suspect he got tired of looking up to his wife since she is nearly 4 inches taller than him which again sheds a bad light on him. His roles are all the same regardless of the plot and if I hear “operation Valkyrie is still in effect” one more time I’ll puke. Sure they had a kid and I’m sure she is a spoiled little brat just like her parents. I really think Kate needs to just go back to the trailer park where Tom found her and Tom needs to go back to dwarf island where he can be with his own kind.

  7. Buford Pusser on said:

    The dude couldn’t keep Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes happy. Those are three distinctively different hood rats. If you can’t fish well enough in those holes, perhaps it has to with the pole. In the end I bet it bothered them inside that they were married to a fruitcake. Mr Cruise and Mr Travolta are more then just worship buddies. God save the queens!

    • cromeradmin on said:

      Sheriff this may be your best work yet!

  8. Polly Thompson on said:

    FINALLY!!!!!! Welcome back to the sane would Katie! Now Tom knows how Nicole felt. Karma is a bitch, and Tommy is one too!

  9. Julie on said:

    The whole baby-first-then-wedding thing just gags me. Do you think they’ll be putting the needs of that little girl first in the coming divorce battle?

  10. Bilenda on said:

    Now Tom can marry John Travolta.

    • cromeradmin on said:

      Priceless Belinda, PRICELESS!

  11. Cheryl Cooper on said:

    Who didn’t see this coming? Raise you hand!

  12. Bill Rabon on said:

    I am pro life and anti abortion. That said, TC is the strongest argument I’ve seen lately, well one of the strongest, that abortion might have a place in extreme circumstances. No, I can’t go there. Even TC has a positive purpose. Every time I see or read about him, I feel much better about myself. Thanks TC. Now go crawl back under your Scientology Rock.

  13. Pat Chisum on said:

    Does being married to Tom Cruise make Kate Holmes untouchable? I mean, like you can’t follow Tom Cruise can you?

    But it all seriousness, does this mean she may start doing more topless scenes?

  14. cromeradmin on said:

    Tom is totally crackers. Complete CRACKERS!

  15. Terri on said:

    Not a huge surprise…thought she would’ve done it sooner than this. Poor sweet Suri

    • cromeradmin on said:

      With the fringe on top!

      • Steve Douglas on said:

        Bubba, you set my cop out alarm off just above your pic!!!!! XD

  16. Southern Belle on said:

    So Suri to hear Tom and Kate are divorcing. “It’s a great shock to us all,” said no one at all.

    Poor Tom’s gone from jumping on the sofa to sleeping on the sofa. It has to be a frustrating situation for Cruise, whose image was finally evolving past a series of missteps which began with the Oprah show appearance and culminated in his public scorn over Brooke Shields’ use of prescription drugs to treat post-partum depression.

    And who could ever forget his insistence that Catholic Kate deliver Suri under the tenants of Scientology … silently?. Any woman who has been through labor can tell you it’s anything but silent … and any man who insists otherwise should be squeezed hard enough down there to induce silence!

    Let’s hope Kate isn’t silent about what it was like to live with Tom!

    • Southern Belle on said:

      Interestingly enough, all three of Tom’s wives bailed when they reached 33. Scientology numerology? Beam me up, Scottie!

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